My Questions (Top 10)

10. When do you stop searching for something?
9. Why does one turn to smoke and drink?
8. Where do you want to work, live and play?
7. What type of girls would you date? Are they the same type you would marry?
6. How do you know when you've finally cleared the corners of your mind?

5. When do you start looking for something else in your life?
4. Why does one suddenly realise the need to live healthy?
3. Where do you want to stay put and never leave?
2. What kind of women are you with right now?

and my top question...

1. HOW?

writing again soothes the nerves

In the car yesterday.. yeah, a long 30 (sleepless) hours ago, we discussed..

If I were to have a 'Heroes' power, I would like Matt Parkman's power..
Reading other people's thoughts.

Must be damn insecure lah.. always second-guessing what other people think about me... afraid to know that I'm wrong or someone else is right... damn loser la sometimes

i think i need to read more in order to write. I think i can write well commercially, but I can't blog my ideas in a clean and thoughtful manner... some kind of dread disease

maybe it's cos i'm not reading as much as I used to.. somehow i've become lazy on that. that somehow paralizes my literary abilities... is it the more literature you read, the more you can read into another's mind? 3 good books left to finish... Queen and I (3/4 through), Life of Pi and Vernon God Little..

what's it got to do with reading???

COS i think i know what kind of book i want liao... but i might not be the right reader also.. but fate is cruel almost murderous... wtf... just hoping for a miraculous Christmas this year. It's been years since i've had one. I think have to consult the Boss on this one...


Anyway.. i'm laying off cigs and booze for a week.. this dreaded shanghai flu must leave me.. although it bears the last evidence of my existence there...

Time for the monthly bulletin

Johnny Hates Jazz - Turn Back The Clock

Another day is ended
And I still can't sleep
Remembering my yesterdays
I begin to weep
If I could have it over
Live my life again
I wouldn't change a single day
I wish that I could turn back the clock
Bring the wheels of time to a stop
Back to the days when life was so much better
...
Don't let the memories slip away

Lazy Sunday afternoon reminiscing about the past.

July had gone past slowly. A month of change. At the workplace, in another city, another house (albeit my own). Had 2 10 year JC reunions which wasn't as spectacular as I would have hoped but at least there were faces that I have frozen in my memories for the past 10 years.

Shanghai friends have come and gone, with a few more to expect in the month of August. Through them, I have made several new friends that now my social activity revolves around. I am finally exercising, where even painful plantar fasciitis have done little to discouraged me. Drinking less, smoked a grand total of 2 cigarettes for the whole month and just a few kopi-Os.

I still literally dream of the people and activities in Shanghai, especially...
seems really cruel to be put out of a misery only to start feeling miserable! Only that I'm not relying on anything but my own devices to get through.. no alcohol, nicotine or caffeine.. weird ah?

Time to engineer a move back... however, there's just too much to lose now. Practicality over sentiments. I must be resolute. Anyhow, looking forward to October, when I can finally take leave :)

Building People, People Building

I have not written for 2 weeks due to various reasons..
busy saying goodbyes in Shanghai and packing for home
Snuck in a 5 day trip to HK. A fantastic relaxing break for me just doing minimally and getting enough rest. I didn't even buy anything off a shop shelf.

Today is another milestone for me. Started work at the new workplace, where I'm supposed to build my future. Glad that a China colleague dropped in to share stories, realised reality is never too far away. Hope I do get my chance back at Shanghai again cos it wasn't really enjoyable professionally. 2007 has been such a mixed year that it is so hard to give it a report card. The teacher would probably write: Had his moments, but grades could have done better. Better conduct expected next year. Well-liked by classmates but not exactly the most popular boy around.

Well, I have been generally well-behaved... but as with the rest of my life, I'm not the model student. Flaws are apparent! *shrugs*

Nothing much to write about the new work at the moment, just that I will be a one-man team for much of August and September. Just found out that the 2 girls in my team have already tendered! Expecting up to 2 new colleagues. Well, sometimes a fresh start is good but at the same time challenging. I will be spending some time in HCMC/Hanoi so hopefully friends do visit and keep me company. Not so sure about the nightlife though. Heard all nightspots close at midnight. Time to do more reading and writing I guess.

Bedtime!

I Am Stripped Bare

Salve!
Friends, Shanghaians, Countrymen

Lend me your ears.


I would like to proclaim you fine citizens of Shanghai, jovial men and women of the merry-making kind, of drink and dance.
I am stripped bare in humility by the essence of Camellia Sinensis (Green Tea) and Alcohol.

I depart this fine land with your fine company and friendships. The classical music of the 80th decade and songs sung in lyrical praise will forever be etched in my memory.

Individual salutations, I will give now:

Shan - Sister, i truly appreciate your efforts despite your tight schedule and incessant work. The party could not have gone on without your brilliant organization and of course, not to mention, excellent door manning skills of the Canis kind. Please thank the other 3 matronas for their attendance!

Debs - For taking over the reins and creating a major disturbance amongst the plebians with the promise of entertainment at the stroke of midnight. Who would have guessed that most of the stripping was to be done by yours truly? One Night in Shanghai... I indeed left behind much emotions!

Lester - You are the orchestrator of such classical masterpieces - Mars and Venus be praised by the lyrical geniuses of Belinda, Rick and other masters of the past eras.

Bolei - What could have done without your artistic capture of such fine memories? Although I very much would like to witness the glorification of these works of art in the Forum, I think it best for the Republic to remain in our private collections (and re-collections)...

Daniel, Qixin, Jason, Hsien Yang, Simon, Shaoqing, Randy and Dean - Brave men of the Republic, citizens of a model nation. My liver cries out at the mention of your names.

Antoine, Ying and Pierre - Your presence was greatly appreciated.. the others in the Legion shall be whipped for not turning up for this Triumph.

Mellissa and Kathryn (pls forward to her) - You were a great audience as well, yours truly would not have been had a more spectacular performance without the constant rouses and cheering

Jeryl, Bryan & Janice (pls forward to them) - My heartfelt gratitude for your presence and gift, hope we old men and women of Shanghai did not give you too much of a scare

Liping, Jon & Joo - I was honoured to partake with you, the excellent meal of hot pot. Wine and merry might not agree with you but nonetheless, I thank your efforts in attending the dinner.

May I be damned on Jupiter's stone if I had missed out on anyone!
The combination of potions on the night made me see closer the stars that never seem to appear in Shanghai.

Till the next, Vade In Pace!

Benius Maximus.
MMVII

Channels

sneaking some time to blog while waiting for my lunch appointment...

been doing this recruitment recently and a few points that hovered above my thoughts..

mo·ti·va·tion /ˌmoʊtəˈveɪʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[moh-tuh-vey-shuhn]

–noun

1. the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal; the reason for the action; that which gives purpose and direction to behavior; "we did not understand his motivation"; "he acted with the best of motives"
2. the condition of being motivated; "his motivation was at a high level"
3. the act of motivating; providing incentive

we keep using this word in HR that it becomes kind of a cliché ..

anyhows, we were questioning the guy's motivation as usual... why he wants to leave his current job and join us in what can be best described by an 'experimental' role. The functional boss counter-checked whether if I had checked with the guy if he was able to accept not seeing instant results, that what the materials he researches on and sources for today will only be realised in 2-3 years time, when the product is launched in the market.

that night, I thought again the same question and applied it to my own career. so far, i've spent 4 years with this company and will be leaving in 2 weeks time. It has been a cushioned career with the right opportunities, being in the right places at the right time. Somehow, I would like to think that I made the career switch now because of the opportunity that beckoned and that it had nothing to do with the increasing frustrations I've had at work before I tendered..

Well looking back, the work I had begun in Singapore 4 years ago have indeed blossomed into an formless process. I know everything like the back of my hand but yet these are not rules or procedures that you write down on paper. I found it terribly difficult to handover my work to this Chinese lady that has no inkling of the complications of life in a regional office. While going through the organization chart, she yawned so many times and needed 2 coffee breaks! I bitched about it to a close colleague of mine... Oh beware ambitious one... you might have taken the job but I doubt you will survive... or maybe I'm wrong.. the best way to survive here might be to be inefficient so that people have no expectations of you whatsoever...

the cynic in me speaks... we shall see. Right now, i'll just like to focus all my energies in the right places... like saying goodbyes in different ways to my friends in Shanghai and resting my mental energies to look forward to the new work... so exciting... To Russia with love haha

Lunch is more important now haha..

LOST

Robin Thicke - Lost Without U

I'm lost without u
Can't help myself
How does it feel
2 know that I love u baby

Just finished watching the season finale of S3 of LOST and how satirical to have Robin Thicke's song ringing between my ears the whole time...

the skeletons in the closets of each character have been introduced over the past 3 seasons

how they react to situations that test their resolve and their own self-doubts

how they end up being so 'lost' on the island and their shots at personal redemption..

does that 'lost' feeling come when one takes faithless steps?

perhaps that makes it the more important to put faith into the transitions we make in life.

looking forward to season 4 already..

The Art of Trying Hard

I am seeking closure to my time in Shanghai.
I look back at 2 years ago, when I chose to stay in the company and reject an excellent opportunity at P&G. The motivation was to eventually be guaranteed a posting to China.
Even though the chance came along half a year earlier then expected, I snapped at the opportunity. Through times of uncertainty and self doubt, I still made it here, expecting to learn alot and contribute to an exciting new time in the company's history.

I do not regret packing my bags and coming and learning so much more about dealing with people, with myself, with people I don't like.... Sure, there were plenty of tough times, especially in the first 6 months. The frequent trips back home, the lack of a strong social support, getting sick ever so often. I came out of it like a phoenix, because I tried really hard and told myself 'I Will Survive'.

This current opportunity came about at just about the right time. I was getting too cosy and needed a new challenge. I have dished out plenty of what I think is good advice to other people, but somehow I find when I'm open for the layup, I don't get the necessary assist from the point guard. Well, sometimes you are your own best advisor.

I'm not just going to try hard... just have faith and the harvest will come.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of
what we do not see

Hebrews 11:1

Save A Little

This just might hurt a little
Love hurts sometimes when you do it right
Don't be afraid of a little bit of pain
Pleasure is on the other side
Let down your guard just a little
I'll keep you safe in these arms of mine
Hold on to me pretty baby
You will see I can be all you need
If you stay, won't you stay stay
Save room for my love
Save room for a moment to be with me
Save room for my love save a little
Save a little for me
Won’t you save a little
Save a little for me oh

Save Room - John Legend

Just stumbled upon the lyrics of this song today. Never really paid much attention to it before. But hell lotta meaning when I did... I especially like this verse.

The more perfect you want love to be, the more it hurts. So quit being a perfectionist. No over-zealousness. And all you ever need is the right moment..

Ladies... lift your guard (mental not physical), be open to possibilities. We wanna keep you safe each time, not that it makes us anymore 'man' that we already are, but truly because our arms deserve someone to hold on tight to...

So save some room for your loved one today.
There's room between these arms.. it's our hearts